Forgotten Not Forgiven

Connections

It is amazing how life works sometimes. Today I was at work sweeping when I saw the guys on dinner break. Sitting in lawn chairs eating in the middle of a machine shop. Kinda a funny sight when you first see it. But that’s not what spurred this post. What made my stop and think to myself was the fact that these guys are less than similar. One guy looks like he belongs decked out in leather, on a bike, putting some puny guy in a head lock. The other guy, quite a bit older, looks like he should be retired, spending half his time in church, and the other half out on the golf course. I mean, he looks and act’s like the stereotypical retired American. And then there is the last guy. He looks like who the first guy should be having in the headlock.

And even with these complete different personalities and looks, they are all good friends. And I just find that a little bit satisfying.

Well, That was enough about being positive. Here is something I was thinking about at work before that first thing:

There is a saying that everyone is created for a reason. I don’t buy it. Maybe that was true when every one wanted a shot at glory by becoming a knight. But in today’s day in and age, (which sadly doesn’t involve swords) lazy people can get away with not surmounting to anything. I don’t know about you, but that makes me wish I could use a sword like i was talking about.

So if every one is created for a reason, the would that mean that the people who don’t work, and just ride on and die by tax payers money were created to do nothing? Maybe there is only a specific amount of people who are able to be given a reason to be made, and since there is a WAY larger population then ever conceived, it is pressed thin on who gets a reason to live. And again this is all speculation that can’t be proven, but is fun to debate.

All I have to say is that I hope that I am one of the people who have a reason to live, otherwise I’m just another person killing this plant for nothing. Expect a follow-up blog ranting about how disgusted I am about how we are killing this beautiful sphere we call home.

-Kevin, Someone’s basement.

Romance

I am in High School. I am far from finding the love of my life. Yes there is a few girls I know who i would be okay being that one-in-a-million. But I have given up the search for true love.

I am sick of being lonely. I live in a small town where it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a single life. The story will probably change when i move to college where having a single life is possible. i.e. Hitting on chicks and going to clubs. etc. But living here, I just want to be done being single. I know my new relationship will not lead me down the road to ‘I do’ but it’s nice to take a break on the road and have a few couple nights with my best friend and his girl friend.

The reason for this blog is because i have conflicted emotions for why I’ve started dating this girl. But all-in-all, I’m happy i did it. Though That is only for the time being. College is going to be a big Red Reset button on my social life. and depending on which college i go to. Only a few people will survive that.

And Finally, to follow-up my post Anonymity I’m no longer going to be anonymous. Yes I’m still going to mask the names of any people I blog about, but I don’t care who reads my name. Sure, people always say, ‘Don’t give out your name and blah blah blah online.’ But i don’t see the point here. My name is Kevin Mioduch. I’m a Snow boarding junkie, who is the biggest Doctor Who loving, Pineapple Eating, Writer/Bookworm Nerd you will ever hear of.

-Kevin, From Somewhere Touching Lake Huron

Day late friend.

This is addressed to one person only. I’m sorry I was late too comfort you. I’m sorry that I missed the moments that a stern hand of a REAL friend would have saved you from pain. I’m sorry I missed the signs and was as self-involved as the ones who caused this are. I’m sorry I was your Day Late Friend. I will try to be more aware. And please reach out to me. I care about helping you. You have accepted your pain and it has blinded you. You are strong and will make it. But you can save yourself so much pain if you Reach out. You think the universe is rejecting you, and you have stopped listening. Well lend an ear, for more voices then you lead your self to believe are there, ready to answer the call.

Awakened

So I just threw out a lot of my stuff. Now, If you’ve read this blog at all, you know that I’m a Nerd. And Last night i got in trouble for a few things. (Not drugs, swear it.) And the Next day I went, “What the hell. This isn’t me.” And I grabed two trash bags, and threw out anything that would lead to me doing stupid things. Out went my Paint ball guns and all of the supplies, out went lighters, fire works, air soft guns, boobytraps, a knife, ect. I want to be a writer, but not in jail. I want to be a Chem Teacher. But I gotta go to college if that’s what I want.

Sure, doing that stuff was fun. But not any where near worth it. Never again. I Wanted to fit in, be noticed. But in retrospect, I don’t care about any Of that. This Is Highschool my Friend. I will see three of these people again after graduation. No more. I don’t like these people like i should. I’m not friendly. I act ditsy and like i’m slow, but thats not real. Having a front is a waste of time and effort. I’m done pretending.

This is a Blog post

NaNoWriMo Has sadly come to an end and I did not hit the mark. but alas. This here was my first year. and i made plans to make the writing easier next year. I will be a winner, mark my words.

I plan to continue to write this novel by the end of December, so i could present and maybe have edited by the members of my Writers club. Specifically my English Teacher.

I want to make this a longer post, but i have been procrastinating a College psychology essay, and it’d due tomorrow. It needs to be like five pages, (though double space which means it’s technically 2.5 pages) and I have only typed my name and the title. MLIA. See what i did there? Fuck FML they’re idiots. MLIA is the way to go.

Part Two- After

First, On a note other then this, but connects to us, I finally feel like the first domino that started the chain reaction that ruined my love life in high school; has came full circle. and in essence. maybe will cause the chain reaction that will help clean up this mess we’ve made. It’s not just me who made mistakes. Now. Back the the regularly scheduled Program.

My world kinda froze. I was so used to you being someone that i didn’t bother to think about, someone who i still missed, but was okay with out, someone i insulted when the time was right and complimented when the time was right. I was used to you being a person who left me with a hole, but didn’t despise you for it. I was Not ready for you to apologize.

When we were friends, I began writing a Story that was your basic ‘I’mma eat you face’ Zombie story. But then came our falling out. And I was all, ‘to show that i have iron clad resolve, I’ll finish this bitch.’ And the story evolved, i scraped the original cast of completely made up characters who were all doomed to die. and made a new cast of characters taken from my life, then i developed a richer plot, of which i can’t say, but it turned into a /more or less/ love story in an apocalypse.

I was all set and wrote like a savage for like, two days. then called it a lost cause, that you didn’t deserve my time, and blah blah. And i let the story collect dust. And then said person apologized. So i made the decision to set aside the story i was working on and retake up the zombie ‘novel’. After a few more tweaks like reinventing the beginning and creating flashbacks to the Orphanage. But alas i was ready to seriously write this.

Now what should you take from this? that’s up to you. It’s not the out come of this story, or even the journey to get there. The thing that i like about this story is this. That boy who wanted to write a zombie story for that zombie loving girl he was crushing on are FAR from that boy and girl today. Just like that story then is far from that story today. It was so rough and premature then, just like we were, and now its evolved, maybe even presentable.

I guess what i’m trying to say is that we’ve changed. And being the perpetual optimist, i hope it’s for the better. I’m still hesitant to be friends, and that’s why i’m not openly buddy buddy with you. I’m still afraid, but I will still be there when needed. It doesn’t matter what you do. I’ll be there. Any questions>?

Boy der am block chillt

That is the name of an ‘ehh’ German rap song. If you know nothing about German, it will still give you a good laugh.

Now, Karma, you do me no good. I was happy for five damn days. I felt like i was finally given a chance, a change. And then it was simply gone. Do I have any one or thing to blame? Karma? Her? ME? Or leave be it? Damned ‘new hope,’ that’s a crock of shit.

Pinkey Promises are Legit. L-E-G-I-T. Sometime during the year i call my sophomore year, i resolved to be a man of my work. Not all the time, but in all cases of pinkey promises. What am i if not a man of my word? And since that day i have /That I know Of/ broke only Ein/one pinkey promise. To defend my honor, I was super pissed with good reason, and it was a ‘not a big deal’ promise. I purposely broke a little promise, instead of one of the bigger things my brain knows. So yes, i tend to be a considerate douche.

Now, Friendship to me, is alot like these pinkey Promises. It can stand for so much, yet still be super fragile. so easy to ruin.

( this doesn’t have any thing to do with the post before this. It has to do with the post from two before this).

Part One- Before.

Hold on while i drop the Base- I love Dubstep. It’s like a guilty pleasure. I feel like i should join the people occupying wall-street while i listen to it.

I have this Uncanny ability To attract/ be attracted to girls with complicated pasts. I don’t know why, but it happens. I’ve felt love/what my adolescent brain thought was love, for six girls. And five of which had complicated pasts. All of which i learned of those complications after, the falling in love part.

Now, falling for some one and falling in love with someone is very different, and i believe I have Experienced Real concrete love for one Of these Six. And it wasn’t with you. Now don’t get me wrong, If you were to Show Up out Side my window In the Middle of the Night in black Face Paint, ready To take me Away on an Incredible journey against Our Enemies, Well, I’ll be all in, shoes on, out the window in no time. (Yes, Note the Paper Towns Reference.)

This isn’t about how you wronged me, and how i wronged you. This is about how i felt before you said sorry. Of course At the start I hated you. You broke me, lied to me and i felt like i was the bane of existence. Of course i was over dramatizing then, but i was too caught up in the completely unimportant Need for a high school love. Now i see that it is not necessary. I bet only two of the relationships at our school will transcend a lifetime.

After anger and hate i was numb. Done and annoyed. my new favorite words: “Go away.” Sadness was my friend. She told me sweet nothings and she clung to me like the lump in my throat. I did a little sulking and shut myself away.

As time continued, my anger resurfaced, crouching on my shoulder, lending me ideas, glazing my eyes with a burning fire. (Realize that this is not an over dramatization. I was realy this full of emotion). I looked upon the school with new eyes. A Game board. I assessed people by their value, and played my moves accordingly. they have high status, befriend them, they are unimportant, ignore. I could only view the world in two sides. With me, Or With You.

But, Soon that too faded. though it took months, i still moved on. I returned and applied my self to school work, and i committed my life to finishing that story i started for you on your birthday. Even now, you can find me sitting in the lunch room during 5th block, writing in my little blue notebook, adding to the story.

And I was Over you. Moved on, better then before. And then you apologised…

(This is not the blog i promised you. Part two is. This was just a refresher on how i felt.)

Time.

Gahh. I believe in the idea of karma. I Don’t believe in The Idea of Luck. or that Someone can say ‘at least it’s Not raining’ and then they’re jinksed. (I have no effing clue how to spell that, it doesn’t look right in any way). You do wrong then in some way, an amount of that will be given back to you. And if you stay good then you will get good returned. I see prof to this all the time. I stop trying to be a dick, and just tell people the truth, and i claim friendship with long lost enemies. I Drop the grudges and become trusting again, and I find new hope. Karma works.

But luck? Screw that. No argument will make me believe in luck. All ‘luck’ is is timing. where your name falls in the bowl, what balls roll into the lottery thingy. And it’s not luck that decides that so and so got on the ballet for Hc. It’s derived from who voted for them. Luck doesn’t exist for me. But karma does. Yes I know. My logic is backwards, but that’s what i believe.I also don’t believe in the big bang, and, sadly, i’m also skeptical about my religion. But, lets save that for another day.

Now, about that new hope. I’ve been good, and unfortunately, A deer ran into my car, Though it was my fault, there was no avoiding this, and to make up for it, karma gave me a new chance. i had to ride the bus due to my car incapacitated, and due to that unfortunate ride, i got to school early for once this year, and i met a girl… New Hope.