Forgotten Not Forgiven

Part One- Before.

Hold on while i drop the Base- I love Dubstep. It’s like a guilty pleasure. I feel like i should join the people occupying wall-street while i listen to it.

I have this Uncanny ability To attract/ be attracted to girls with complicated pasts. I don’t know why, but it happens. I’ve felt love/what my adolescent brain thought was love, for six girls. And five of which had complicated pasts. All of which i learned of those complications after, the falling in love part.

Now, falling for some one and falling in love with someone is very different, and i believe I have Experienced Real concrete love for one Of these Six. And it wasn’t with you. Now don’t get me wrong, If you were to Show Up out Side my window In the Middle of the Night in black Face Paint, ready To take me Away on an Incredible journey against Our Enemies, Well, I’ll be all in, shoes on, out the window in no time. (Yes, Note the Paper Towns Reference.)

This isn’t about how you wronged me, and how i wronged you. This is about how i felt before you said sorry. Of course At the start I hated you. You broke me, lied to me and i felt like i was the bane of existence. Of course i was over dramatizing then, but i was too caught up in the completely unimportant Need for a high school love. Now i see that it is not necessary. I bet only two of the relationships at our school will transcend a lifetime.

After anger and hate i was numb. Done and annoyed. my new favorite words: “Go away.” Sadness was my friend. She told me sweet nothings and she clung to me like the lump in my throat. I did a little sulking and shut myself away.

As time continued, my anger resurfaced, crouching on my shoulder, lending me ideas, glazing my eyes with a burning fire. (Realize that this is not an over dramatization. I was realy this full of emotion). I looked upon the school with new eyes. A Game board. I assessed people by their value, and played my moves accordingly. they have high status, befriend them, they are unimportant, ignore. I could only view the world in two sides. With me, Or With You.

But, Soon that too faded. though it took months, i still moved on. I returned and applied my self to school work, and i committed my life to finishing that story i started for you on your birthday. Even now, you can find me sitting in the lunch room during 5th block, writing in my little blue notebook, adding to the story.

And I was Over you. Moved on, better then before. And then you apologised…

(This is not the blog i promised you. Part two is. This was just a refresher on how i felt.)