I am sick of being lonely. I live in a small town where it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a single life. The story will probably change when i move to college where having a single life is possible. i.e. Hitting on chicks and going to clubs. etc. But living here, I just want to be done being single. I know my new relationship will not lead me down the road to ‘I do’ but it’s nice to take a break on the road and have a few couple nights with my best friend and his girl friend.

The reason for this blog is because i have conflicted emotions for why I’ve started dating this girl. But all-in-all, I’m happy i did it. Though That is only for the time being. College is going to be a big Red Reset button on my social life. and depending on which college i go to. Only a few people will survive that.

And Finally, to follow-up my post Anonymity I’m no longer going to be anonymous. Yes I’m still going to mask the names of any people I blog about, but I don’t care who reads my name. Sure, people always say, ‘Don’t give out your name and blah blah blah online.’ But i don’t see the point here. My name is Kevin Mioduch. I’m a Snow boarding junkie, who is the biggest Doctor Who loving, Pineapple Eating, Writer/Bookworm Nerd you will ever hear of.

-Kevin, From Somewhere Touching Lake Huron

Now, I like to write. It’s my career of choice. But I’ve stopped doing it as much as I’d like. i have only 22 days to write a brilliant story to submit to LT3. I Just need to sit down and force my self, but tonight is not the night. sadly.

Lastly, I want to address my faith in humanity. I have lost it. I still have faith in my friends, but everyone else is lost. Population is too high, poverty all over, fat-cats greedy whilst others wither. I am sick of this world. The race i belong to has caused it to be so grotesque. People may say that they think it is still beautiful, but that is just the surface that the higher ups have painted. Yet one inquisitive scratch to the flimsy mask will open your eyes, and that is the first step. uncover the filth and corruption to every one’s eyes. Then us as a human race need to work together to clean it up. This will require us to go off script here. even revolt the system. I cry some times because off how insignificant my voice is. I’m man enough to admit that. But I am not defeated. I am honor bound that if i am successful, I will help clean up. Which is a major understatement. cleaning up barely entails what needs to be done. I have so many ideas that i wish i could get out. I hate not being involved. I know i could never be the leader. But I KNOW that i could help with my ideas. I have faith.

Sure, doing that stuff was fun. But not any where near worth it. Never again. I Wanted to fit in, be noticed. But in retrospect, I don’t care about any Of that. This Is Highschool my Friend. I will see three of these people again after graduation. No more. I don’t like these people like i should. I’m not friendly. I act ditsy and like i’m slow, but thats not real. Having a front is a waste of time and effort. I’m done pretending.

I plan to continue to write this novel by the end of December, so i could present and maybe have edited by the members of my Writers club. Specifically my English Teacher.

I want to make this a longer post, but i have been procrastinating a College psychology essay, and it’d due tomorrow. It needs to be like five pages, (though double space which means it’s technically 2.5 pages) and I have only typed my name and the title. MLIA. See what i did there? Fuck FML they’re idiots. MLIA is the way to go.

My world kinda froze. I was so used to you being someone that i didn’t bother to think about, someone who i still missed, but was okay with out, someone i insulted when the time was right and complimented when the time was right. I was used to you being a person who left me with a hole, but didn’t despise you for it. I was Not ready for you to apologize.

When we were friends, I began writing a Story that was your basic ‘I’mma eat you face’ Zombie story. But then came our falling out. And I was all, ‘to show that i have iron clad resolve, I’ll finish this bitch.’ And the story evolved, i scraped the original cast of completely made up characters who were all doomed to die. and made a new cast of characters taken from my life, then i developed a richer plot, of which i can’t say, but it turned into a /more or less/ love story in an apocalypse.

I was all set and wrote like a savage for like, two days. then called it a lost cause, that you didn’t deserve my time, and blah blah. And i let the story collect dust. And then said person apologized. So i made the decision to set aside the story i was working on and retake up the zombie ‘novel’. After a few more tweaks like reinventing the beginning and creating flashbacks to the Orphanage. But alas i was ready to seriously write this.

Now what should you take from this? that’s up to you. It’s not the out come of this story, or even the journey to get there. The thing that i like about this story is this. That boy who wanted to write a zombie story for that zombie loving girl he was crushing on are FAR from that boy and girl today. Just like that story then is far from that story today. It was so rough and premature then, just like we were, and now its evolved, maybe even presentable.

I guess what i’m trying to say is that we’ve changed. And being the perpetual optimist, i hope it’s for the better. I’m still hesitant to be friends, and that’s why i’m not openly buddy buddy with you. I’m still afraid, but I will still be there when needed. It doesn’t matter what you do. I’ll be there. Any questions>?

Now, Karma, you do me no good. I was happy for five damn days. I felt like i was finally given a chance, a change. And then it was simply gone. Do I have any one or thing to blame? Karma? Her? ME? Or leave be it? Damned ‘new hope,’ that’s a crock of shit.

Pinkey Promises are Legit. L-E-G-I-T. Sometime during the year i call my sophomore year, i resolved to be a man of my work. Not all the time, but in all cases of pinkey promises. What am i if not a man of my word? And since that day i have /That I know Of/ broke only Ein/one pinkey promise. To defend my honor, I was super pissed with good reason, and it was a ‘not a big deal’ promise. I purposely broke a little promise, instead of one of the bigger things my brain knows. So yes, i tend to be a considerate douche.

Now, Friendship to me, is alot like these pinkey Promises. It can stand for so much, yet still be super fragile. so easy to ruin.

( this doesn’t have any thing to do with the post before this. It has to do with the post from two before this).

I have this Uncanny ability To attract/ be attracted to girls with complicated pasts. I don’t know why, but it happens. I’ve felt love/what my adolescent brain thought was love, for six girls. And five of which had complicated pasts. All of which i learned of those complications after, the falling in love part.

Now, falling for some one and falling in love with someone is very different, and i believe I have Experienced Real concrete love for one Of these Six. And it wasn’t with you. Now don’t get me wrong, If you were to Show Up out Side my window In the Middle of the Night in black Face Paint, ready To take me Away on an Incredible journey against Our Enemies, Well, I’ll be all in, shoes on, out the window in no time. (Yes, Note the Paper Towns Reference.)

This isn’t about how you wronged me, and how i wronged you. This is about how i felt before you said sorry. Of course At the start I hated you. You broke me, lied to me and i felt like i was the bane of existence. Of course i was over dramatizing then, but i was too caught up in the completely unimportant Need for a high school love. Now i see that it is not necessary. I bet only two of the relationships at our school will transcend a lifetime.

After anger and hate i was numb. Done and annoyed. my new favorite words: “Go away.” Sadness was my friend. She told me sweet nothings and she clung to me like the lump in my throat. I did a little sulking and shut myself away.

As time continued, my anger resurfaced, crouching on my shoulder, lending me ideas, glazing my eyes with a burning fire. (Realize that this is not an over dramatization. I was realy this full of emotion). I looked upon the school with new eyes. A Game board. I assessed people by their value, and played my moves accordingly. they have high status, befriend them, they are unimportant, ignore. I could only view the world in two sides. With me, Or With You.

But, Soon that too faded. though it took months, i still moved on. I returned and applied my self to school work, and i committed my life to finishing that story i started for you on your birthday. Even now, you can find me sitting in the lunch room during 5th block, writing in my little blue notebook, adding to the story.

And I was Over you. Moved on, better then before. And then you apologised…

(This is not the blog i promised you. Part two is. This was just a refresher on how i felt.)

But luck? Screw that. No argument will make me believe in luck. All ‘luck’ is is timing. where your name falls in the bowl, what balls roll into the lottery thingy. And it’s not luck that decides that so and so got on the ballet for Hc. It’s derived from who voted for them. Luck doesn’t exist for me. But karma does. Yes I know. My logic is backwards, but that’s what i believe.I also don’t believe in the big bang, and, sadly, i’m also skeptical about my religion. But, lets save that for another day.

Now, about that new hope. I’ve been good, and unfortunately, A deer ran into my car, Though it was my fault, there was no avoiding this, and to make up for it, karma gave me a new chance. i had to ride the bus due to my car incapacitated, and due to that unfortunate ride, i got to school early for once this year, and i met a girl… New Hope.